Here are some funny Church Bulletins that I found once. They are really funny. Here they are:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------------------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." --------------------------------------------------- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ----------------------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ---------------------------------------------- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. ---------------------------------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. ------------------------------------------------ Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. --------------------------------------- ------- --- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ------------------------------------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ------------------ ------------------------------------ Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ------------------------------------------------------ The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." --------------------------- ------ ------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ---------------------------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. ------------------------------------------------ Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. --------------- ------------------------------------ Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. ------------- ------ ----------------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. ----------------------------------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ------------------------------------------------ Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. --------------------------------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. ---------------------------------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. ------------------------------------------------ The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. --------------------------------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ------------------------------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. --------------- ------ ------------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church' s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!" | 
